Guys, I don't know if I can do it.  I think case management isn't for me, especially in Philadelphia... yeah thats right.  I said it.  I'm like epic failing all over the place these past two weeks.  Sure its just a phase, but really? 

I'm not tough enough to do the job, my feelings get hurt easily... My organizational skills are atrocious (surprisingly was able to spell astrocious)...

I can name about a billion reasons why I would be justified in trying something new... but I need to lumber on and stop wallowing in self-doubt.  I know I am quite capable of doing this job, if I could just get my butt into gear.  My terrible school habits are now kicking me in the butt, and its only up to me to fix them.

Maybe I do just need to focus on two things: LCFS (mi trabajo) and YAB (mi trabajo otro)...

But I also started a volunteering campaign!  100 hours in one year!  I think its important to keep out in the world and see what else is out there.  I'm big into getting others involved in it... which is going to make it fun!

There's also church, which somehow, accidently, always ends up at the end of the list with God.  I swear I don't mean to...  but for some reason Its always been secondary.  I've been working on pulling God up there to number 1.  Asking for just him... I've stopped asking for strength, and wisdom and etc etc (for now) but now I just want to know what it means to lean on just God.  How do I go to him for help?  How do I witness is power when I've been trying to use my own all along. 

This has been a chronic illness, almost for as long as I've been alive.  I was talking to a co-worker teh other day and we've both forgotten how to let God drive the bus. 

I'm going to keep trucking along... but growing up is hard to do, especially when you feel responsible for the lives and well-being of so many.  Its like I get tired of waiting for the world to change, and I get tired of trying to change it.  Like the day will never come when all of the problems in Philadelphia are eradicated.  At least here on earth, I always forget that there is a heaven.  When I was a kid I never really thought of heaven much, I was afraid (and still am) of death. 

My image of death was that when you die, everything goes dark.  Much like when you're in a cavern and the guide turns all of the lights out.  just. nothingness.

*siiiiiggggghhhh*  Except for my sigh is more of an overwhelming need to just cry my heart out. 

But no really, everything is going to be alright... its just one of those days and I was at a training from 9-4 so I of course feel like ranting and raving!  lol.

 

have a great weekend!

Babs

... so deal with me, and join me...

I have a vision where community the way we see it is radically redefined...


It stems from me being prepared to be poor.  A lot of you know, that being poor isn't necessarily a bad thing.  Its having most of your needs met, no frills, and being creative with what you have.

With Pennsylvania's State budget being the way it is, I'm not going to sit back and think things will be alright.  They won't be the same for me, and they shouldn't.  So what if things are paid for... I still want to live in community.  A radically giving community.  Thinking of new ways to sustain ourselves and the people around us.

At the beginning of the summer, I almost made this drastic decision to just take a part time job... and spend the rest of my time volunteering and doing things for others.  Well my pastor said that, I needed the experience of a full time job.  He was right of course,  even though the path I could have chosen would have been alright too.

One of my visions, so what if the libraries close!  If we turn the city of Philly upside down, you know how many books would pour out?  Why must we buy new books when we can borrow from friends, when we can give them away.  Churches have libraries, so why not have a nonborrowing library, where people can come in at times and read and learn?  Or book swaps?  I have books galore just taking up space in my foster mother's house!  I'm not reading em.

Radically different ways of thinking and giving...

I was speaking to Coz one day, and it seemed that he had a different way of thinking of how church's should be sharing amongst themselves (even between denominations)... I asked him about it.  He spoke of how some churches concern themselves with their own, and the community around them.  Which makes sense.  But is that what God intended?  For us to just work with our small communities?  What if God intended it to be one huge church?  Where if our church doesn't need a youth pastor, we give the money to another church who does?

radically different ways of working with each other...

I imagine the day where communities are completely sustainable, because we're creatively thinking of ways to share and to create.

We're the new generation, and its up to us to get this started.  Everyone can be a part of it...